So I have been thinking lately about how much I have changed in the last 5 years...and most of it is not for the better. Or maybe I am a better person because of how much I have changed since I realize this but instead just miss my old, ignorant self. Or maybe I just have a total different outlook on how my life is going right now and wish I could still see it in the same way as I did, 5 years ago. I'm not entirely sure, but I will go on anyway.
I feel as though 5 years ago I was a much happier, friendlier person. I had 4 best friends who I was sure I would stay friends with for the rest of my life (I was clearly wrong), I had a big group of friends who I hung out with outside and inside school (they were not my friends, just my friends friends), very artistically inspired (I no longer draw out of sheer lack of inspiration), I was in much better shape (now I just sit around my house watching tv since I have nothing else to do).
I could probably go on for days about this but the 2 main things that bother me so much right now are the facts that I can count the number of friends I have on one hand, and that wouldn't bother me so much if the quality of these friendships wasn't such crap. The 2nd thing is that I am so uninspired to create anything artistically, lately.
I honestly have tried to rectify my situation but simply cannot get it right.
I have really tried making friends but they never seem to last past a few months. After the first few months of new friendship it seems as though things get too busy and I don't hear from them again, and even if I do, chances are we are drinking. I have realized that people love to be with me when I'm drunk but that changes when we sober up.
And the art thing...I have tried drawing, just creating with my hands but my mind is just blank every time. I can see shapes of things forming but they float away before they become solid.
I don't know.............
This was such an emo post but I just needed to get this out while I was sober...I have talked about this while drunk but it is kind of hard to take someone seriously when you both are smashed.
